There are moments when I have regrets. They come upon me when I least expect it.

Last month, I spoke at an agency forum for a group of seniors interested in social causes.

There were five organizations present, and each took a turn showcasing how their work makes a difference in people’s lives.

Winnipeg’s Christmas Cheer Board was there as well, and the spokeswoman told us about the many hampers and Christmas gifts put together each year.

When she started describing how entire families sometimes put together a hamper with presents and personally deliver the gift to another family, a flood of regret poured over me.

It was more than 20 years ago. My wife Tracie and I, along with our three small children, were living in Winnipeg.

We were having a hard time financially — I didn’t have any student loans and our only income was the odd drywall job I would pick up along the way.

We tried our best to keep our money malaise to ourselves, but someone must have figured out we were barely getting by. On Christmas Eve, a family showed up at our door to deliver Christmas hampers and presents.

It took me awhile to figure out what was going on.

I was overwhelmed and promptly felt embarrassed, then angry.

I felt ashamed that people thought I couldn’t care for my family. I felt it was an indictment of my ability to be a provider. I got so angry I had to step away from the situation.

I left without saying thank you.

Looking back on it all these years later, I feel bad I never got the chance to express my gratitude to the generous family who helped us out. Those years of hand-to-mouth helped me appreciate that people are not trying to judge me, but help me succeed.

Often times when helping people in rough situations, they may not see the appreciation and good intentions in the beginning.

Perhaps they, too, feel judged.

But that doesn’t mean they don’t need help, or that aid should be conditional on expressed gratitude.

That Christmas some 20 years ago, I began to realize there are times I need to accept help from people — that it’s not a sign of weakness.

It’s OK for someone to lend you a helping hand.

When I look at some of the faces that come to Siloam Mission for help, I see myself many years ago.

All of them need help, but many would do anything to avoid admitting it.

It’s important to realize that when we care for people, gratitude and appreciation may take time. We understand that and give people the space they need.

We have the privilege of seeing people come back to Siloam five to 10 years later to thank us for caring, because those meals, those shelter stays and those gifted clothes helped them move on.

These people often tell us they didn’t appreciate our help at the time.

So here it goes: I want to say thank you to the Christmas Cheer Board and the family who made our holidays special two decades ago.

— Floyd Perras is the executive director of Siloam Mission.

SUN article